adjusting expectations

When Leah was a few weeks old, she would sleep for 2-3 hours (or more!) - I thought 'hey, this is fantastic! parenting is a cinch!'

Hahahahahahaha!!!!

Soon THAT stopped. But, so what? Now I enjoy her 9-10 hours a day, in random spurts. Today was Friday, one of my favorite days. Baby slept 10-7, ate a bit and then snoozed with me for an hour or so :) then we played a bit and headed to the library. Friday is Mother Goose on the Loose day, where we listen to stories and sing songs with other kids under three. 

At home, Leah is a ball of laughs. She is in love with our dog and is just totally content. It's so interesting to see her when we are someplace else. She is oh so curious, sweet, cautious. She stares at people and learns. She reaches out to touch and feel things (usually carpet, but every so often another wee one). She enjoys shaking bells (and putting them in her mouth) and having a colored scarf tossed at her face. When she is so excited I have to remind myself that many of these things she is experiencing are for the first time. She held and shook a bell for the first time today. She saw this little boy for the first time. She crawled toward Kay for the first time. 

Everything is so new and interesting. I love watching her take it all in. 

For now though, she saves the laughs and giggles just for us. And that's okay :)

I didn't take any photos at the library, but here she is playing in her high chair while I did some dishes. 

 

Today I also went on a job interview. I'm considering doing some part-time work from home in my field. I traveled up to Vermont (only 20 miles) and it was absolutely gorgeous. Brattleboro sits right on the Connecticut River. I didn't explore the town much, but I think it would make for a good day trip. It was a nice break from my normal routine and Leah did great for her daddy. I thought I would be going back to work full time, or sooner, but the timing hasn't been just right. I'm hoping I will know when it is, and it will be a good thing. Expectations are a funny thing. 

That's all I've got. Except for one more picture. Mmm apple! (Don't worry, she didn't really eat it, just kinda sucked the juice for a minute until something better caught her attention :) )

I will not scold myself...

For not blogging ... Though I am disappointed in myself - I can't possibly remember everything that has happened, or even a summary and was hoping I would post more regularly (darn - is this scolding?) - all I can do is what I can do right now in this moment. Here's what I'm thinking. 

Being a mom is absolutely amazing. I feel so much love, worry, awe, fear, and so many other intense emotions daily. When I look at my daughter, I truly feel like I am supposed to be her mother. More than just a feeling of 'I created you.' It's much more complex. When I look at her, I see me, my mother, my grandmother, my husband, my husband's uncle... all of these people jump out and look me in the eye sometimes. The connection we have and the love I have for her is so surreal. I just try to enjoy every moment with her. I'm not very spiritual (though I would like to be), but I do feel more purpose in my life now that I am a mom. 

She is starting to gain independence. She was born with the strength (and weight) of a two month old, so it is not surprising to me that she is starting to pull away, push up, crawl... but she is also raising her arms to be held, looking for my approval, and showing affection. 

 

Everything in life is now second. And I don't mind a bit. Sure, I'd like time to myself that doesn't involve housework. But I never want to look back and say 'I just wish I had spent more time with her.' She's just so sweet, fun, and is teaching me how to be a better person. I wanted her for so long. Funny I didn't realize how much I needed her until she was here. 

Love love love.