My Italian self

Six years ago, I was happily roaming the streets of Europe with my college friends, soaking in culture, the architecture, and the food.

And of course the language.

Living in another country where the language was foreign to me wasn't really as challenging as I thought it would be. Okay, yes, everyone in Florence speaks English, but that's beside the point. The point is, you don't have to know a language word for word to be able to communicate. I remember many dinner conversations with my Italian family Paola and Guilia that required getting up from the table and opening up the Italian-English dictionary only to find that the literal translation of the word I was trying to find didn't exist.

But I made it work. I made hand gestures or faces or pointed to things or made noises. My other two American roommates would try to help (or just laugh at me). And after seven weeks of Italian immersion, I was in no way fluent but luckily, Italians are able to say great things with just their hands.

So, what does the above ramble have to do with me, in this moment, right now? Every now and then I think back to who I was six years ago. Sure, I'm the same person technically, but in Italy, I was my happy self. My inquisitive self. My artsy self. My nerdy self. My frugal self. My uninhibited self (okay, not always the best quality). And even though I am still all of those things, I find it hard to be all of those things day to day. I work. I'm in school. I cook (notice how I didn't say clean?). I teach colorguard. I'm a doggy mommy. And we've been TTC for more than a year, and not preventing for about three.

TTC with nothing to show for it takes a toll. Sometimes I wonder if it's ever going to happen for us. People who know about our struggles seem to think it will, but how do they know? Do they understand why it hasn't happened for us? Do they understand how insensitive some things they say sound to me? Do they really care to know about what we've been through?

Six years ago, I knew nothing about TTC. And why should I have? But now, the week after my 27th birthday, all I can think of is why didn't we try sooner?

In this last year, I've lost the Italian in me. But now that I recognize it, I'm going to do everything I can to find her and reel her back in. Stay tuned for life lessons, photos, recipes, nerdiness and yes, a little bit of TTC talk, too.

Ciao for now,
S